Most of us have had the experience of saying something we thought was clear, only to realise later that it didn’t land in the way we expected.
We may have explained a task, shared an update, or raised a concern, and in our minds it all makes sense, but then sometime later it becomes obvious something hasn’t quite registered. It might be that the work isn’t what we expected, or the issue we thought we’d addressed hasn’t gone away.
At that point, it’s easy to assume it’s about the other person, their capability, or their motivation. But actually, quite often the issue is with our own communication, and in that gap between the message we intended to give and how it was interpreted and received.
Default communication styles in managers
We see this a lot in the work we do with managers. They are communicating, but often in a way that works for them, and they assume that will work for others as well.
For example, a manager might be very direct and to the point, which can be helpful for a team member who values clarity and speed. But that same approach with someone else might feel abrupt or dismissive. Another manager might take a more collaborative approach, talking things through and exploring options, which works well for someone who wants to be involved, but for others it can feel too vague or too slow.
What underlies all of this is that most managers have a default way of communicating that’s shaped by their personality, their experience, and what’s worked for them in the past. This becomes their go-to approach, particularly when they’re busy or under pressure.
Lack of clear communication intent in managers
The other thing that comes into this is that managers might go into a conversation with a general sense of what they want to say, but they don’t always have a clear intent or a clear view of what they’re trying to achieve.
They might be thinking they want to talk something through or mention something, but they haven’t really thought through the outcome they’re aiming for, and that tends to show up in how the message is delivered.
It might come across as softer than intended, or more vague than is helpful, and the person on the receiving end is left trying to interpret what’s actually being asked of them.
Being clear on the purpose of communication as a manager
It can be helpful to be clear on the purpose of the conversation before you go into it. For example:
- If the purpose is to align, you’re making sure expectations, priorities, and what good looks like are clear
- If the purpose is to influence, you’re helping someone think differently or consider another perspective
- If the purpose is to challenge, you’re addressing something that isn’t working and needs to change
When that isn’t clear, even well-intentioned communication doesn’t always land in the way we expect it to.
Adaptive communication skills for managers
To communicate effectively, managers need to take a more adaptive approach. That means considering the person they’re speaking to and what they might need, the situation they’re dealing with, and the outcome they’re trying to achieve, and then adjusting how they communicate based on that.
Sometimes that might mean being very clear and direct, and at other times it might mean asking more questions, offering more support, or creating space for someone to take ownership. None of these approaches are better or worse, but they are more or less effective depending on the situation.
Psychometric tools like DISC can be helpful here, as they give managers a language to understand different preferences and how their own style might be experienced by others, which helps build awareness and make it easier to adjust their approach.
When communication breaks down, it’s often a combination of style and unclear intent, and once you start to look at both of those, it becomes much easier to see what needs to change.
About the Author
Louise Puddifoot is the founder of Willow & Puddifoot, where she and her team CRAFT™ confident, capable leaders at every stage. With over 20 years’ experience in leadership and learning, Louise designs practical development that builds confidence, capability, and impact. Her work is built on the CRAFT™ Leadership Framework, focusing on communication, resilience, authenticity, future focus, and transformation, to create real behaviour change that lasts.